I’m so homesick and lonely. I’m not friends with any of these people, and while they’re mostly very nice, they’re not the kind of people that I would ever be friends with. It’s nothing against them or anything, I’m just so different from all of them. That makes it hard.
I haven’t been able to be Lish this entire time. I’ve been Alysia. She is a very different girl.
I hate it.
I miss everyone. And I miss Drew and my grandparents and Kylie and my cat more than anything I’ve ever missed before. I text Drew, and I’ve talked on the phone to him and my grandparents, but talking is so much different that actually being able to touch a person; to feel them, to look them in the eyes and experience everything that they are.
These next five days are going to creep by so slowly and I wish they wouldn’t. I’ve never felt like this before. I thought I was lonely a few times but no, NOW I’m lonely.
It’s almost like a pain that shoots through my body. It makes everything heavier. I’m not even being dramatic. It really feels like that.
And I’m doing so many wonderful things here, but they’re all trumped by friendship and relationships and family. I have none of that here, just shadows of the things that I have back home.
And I have no time by myself here. There’s always someone around. I need some time to be alone and let myself feel lonely, because then it might lessen. But I don’t have that time, so it only grows. And that’s sad.
Anyway, I’ve got a lot of other things to do in the next five days and I predict that I will be very moody. I wish one of my good friends had been here with me. Then I wouldn’t be so alone, even when I can never find time to be by myself.
My heart will feel complete on August 12th. Until then.